Bossy Femme!

aeide-thea:

bossyfemme:

kateemacneill:

things i need ASAP in montreal:
.a bike
.a girlfriend (or queerboyfriend)
.a massage therapist

Why queer boys specifically? 

I think I want to start asking this question when I see people saying things like “women or queer/trans men.” Because… I’m not sure I totally understand.

…i thought that was a circumlocution for ‘no cis men need apply’? because, you know, they’re at the top of the privilege heap in a lot of ways, which often fosters an offputting sense of entitlement, &c, &c.

(or were you getting at something else entirely? i worry i’m trying to teach my grandmother to suck eggs here.)

Mhm - in this case maybe it means “no straight-identified cis men”? I can’t help but feel like in general, this kind of statement shows a sort of essentialist attitude about what “trans men” are like or what “cis men” are like… and simultaneously risks fetishizing trans bodies.

I guess from where I sit (in a happy & wonderful relationship with a cis straight dude, even tho I am queer) I don’t understand the benefit of making this type of exclusion as any kind of blanket rule.

I mean, I totally get “no entitled straight dudes” as a rule - that’s totally a dealbreaker for me.  & I don’t wanna be like “omg what about the straight cis dudes! think of the straight cis dudes!” If what you mean is “no one with unchecked privilege” then why not SAY that?

Considering the misogyny I’ve witnessed in queer communities here - which comes from trans men who are encouraged by others in the community to act this way - I just get kinda pissed when people act like dicks are the problem, rather than patriarchy. Like, “eww, that penis is oppressing me but my trans partner’s cock is totally sexy!” is just - not an okay attitude to have about trans guys. & it actively makes life harder for trans women. (& yeah, it means that people miss out on dating some rad cis dudes, I would guess.)

I mean I know the person who originally posted & I don’t want to impose any kind of belief system on what she wrote - totally possible that she meant “poly” or “kinky” or many other things when she said “queerboyfriend.” There are just some people in my life whose politics I really respect who say stuff like this & I just want to understand their perspective better. 

kateemacneill:

things i need ASAP in montreal:
.a bike
.a girlfriend (or queerboyfriend)
.a massage therapist

Why queer boys specifically? 

I think I want to start asking this question when I see people saying things like “women or queer/trans men.” Because… I’m not sure I totally understand.

how do we forgive our fathers

drfitzmonster:

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
for shutting doors
for speaking through walls
or never speaking
or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

— Dick Lourie

* This poem is read during the last scene in Smoke Signals. It was 
originally published in a longer version titled “Forgiving Our 
Fathers” in a book of poems titled Ghost Radio published by Hanging 
Loose Press in 1998

(via tranqualizer)

Are You A Real Woman?

thepeacockangel:

Here are the qualities you must have before you can be a Real Woman™

You must:

1. Identify as a woman.
2. Not be a fictional character. If you are I’m not sure how you’re reading this.

YEAH!

(via direwitch)

thinking critically about ovarian gang signs

garconniere:

popca:

julaya asked: we are all women of color and we don’t appreciate strangers assuming our identities based on a photo. we understand the implications of gang violence, and are making an informed choice to reclaim them and embrace our bodies. the photo has no other meaning than that, and people need to stop reading into it (unless they want to enter a dialogue, which any of us would be happy to do) without checking facts. we are celebrating ourselves, not senging a message to anyone else. and UGH we are not white

i never said you were white so you don’t need to be bringing that shit up in my ask. take it elsewhere. you can reclaim and embrace your bodies without appropriating a culture that was never meant to be a cute photo to reblog. because that is straight up what is happening. there was absolutely NO context on that photo other than two cute light skinned women throwing up some fake ass gang symbol. you wanna dialogue, that’s fine. i’m fine with that. i want to know what your connections to actual, real gangs are? you said you are reclaiming them so if you have connections — whether it be friends, family, or yourself..how do those people feel about what you’re doing? how would you feel if a white woman did see your photo and decided it’d be a good idea to also start throwing up some gang signs? it’d be irresponsible to not talk about what the fuck that would mean. because that is wrong. 

rookiemag reblogged it. it’s a cute ass symbol that a ton of young white women are probably screaming fuck yeah about without thinking about it how it affects young people of color in gangs, people who are women without ovaries, and people without ovaries who are women. 

the only thing i talked about is how it made me uncomfortable and it made me uncomfortable seeing all those reblogs and likes and they are probably going unchecked. 

whatever. this is bullshit. if you two were doing this in your own damn living room i wouldn’t care but you put it on the internet where strangers are allowed to assume and talk about photos. especially when there is no context attached and people want to work out what the fuck is happening. and you only don’t like strangers assuming shit when it’s negative because i am sure you like it when all those people are saying I’M IN. i’m sure they are also assuming things.

this is what triggered my earlier rant. i wouldn’t say i hate the idea behind the ovarian gang sign, i get the well-meaning solidarity/empowerment vibe for sure, but other aspects definitely make me uncomfortable. chelsea articulates some of those questions well in this post:

…saying you’re in a gang when you really aren’t. because when i think of gangs, i think of people of color, usually brown and black men (but i ain’t forgetting the women), who are trying to survive their lives but don’t have access to a lot of helpful resources. so those folks who are in the same or similar boat come together to create resources in their lives so they can live another day. and although a lot of those decisions and resources they create are negative or have the potential to be negative, they are just making do the way they know how.

important questions. why don’t we make the space to have a conversation about these questions, rather than shut things down altogether in a quick, defensive, reactionary way?

this has got over 3,000 notes on tumblr. it’s on buzzfeed. it’s being written about almost universally as “awesome.” and yeah, a handful of people have pointed out that not every “grrrl” has ovaries, and not every person with ovaries is a girl, and some have pointed out how class/race cannot be divorced from gang culture. instead of saying, “i hadn’t thought of that. let me think about that,” you just get personal defensiveness.

you can’t truly believe stating “we’re not sending a message to anyone else” when hundreds of girls have seen this now and say “best believe i’m doing this in almost every picture thats taken of me now” is enough, or does your message justice. write a manifesta. talk about your intentions. explain it to me if i’m just not getting it. because all that’s happening right now is a photo of what looks like two cis-female friends throwing up ovarian gang signs - with no context or statement, open to whatever interpretation people want - and young white cis feminists online are loving it. 

it’s important to address how race, class, and gender play into this if it’s going to pick up steam and trend for real. you have to at least take the time to THINK about those questions, talk it out with the people behind this trend.

and as calloutqueen put it best:

once I saw a picture of this white person I used to be friends with throwing up a gang sign and I was just like “well I’m glad that friendship is already done with” 

Yeah I reblogged that photo earlier (and as one instance of expression I really do mostly love it…) Simultaneously was having alla these thoughts. I think it would be pretty ballin’ for my particular synched-up femme pals to have a not-at-all-subtle menstruation hand sign, but yeah… definitely not cool with “gang signs” being appropriated with white feminists. Can you have a hand signal that’s not a gang sign? 

& also yeah of course not all women have ovaries/vice versa, still, I think it would be rad if we could be posi about anatomy that isn’t so phallic once in a while…